Over the years, I have learned to expect very little from TLC's programming. For the most part when a new show is advertised, you should expect it to be a train wreck. You know it is going to be ugly, but for some ungodly reason you can not look away.
"Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" is the newest train wreck in the TLC prime time line up. Alana aka "Honey Boo Boo" first came to popularity on Toddlers and Tiaras. She was the little girl who, you will recall, was given GO-GO juice (her performance enhancing cocktail of Red Bull and Mt. Dew, followed by a chaser of Pixie Sticks.) Last night, the series premiered with two episodes. The series follows the adventures or misadventures of the would be tiny tot beauty queen and her South Georgia family.
The show opens with a fart. And well, you can guess where it goes from there. We are introduced to the Thompson clan lead by stay at home "Momma" June. Some long time viewers of TLC might recognize June from Extreme Couponers. Apparently, this family has a long history with TLC.
Then there is her husband "Sugar Bear" as June says "her baby daddy". Who doesn't really seem involved with much of anything going on in the house. From my first impressions of June, it is probably just easier for him to shut up and go along for the ride.
That leaves us with the lovely Thompson daughters. Chubbs 15, Pumpkin 12, and Chickadee 17. Chickadee, by the way, we learn is pregnant from loud mouth Alana. I guess we will be seeing her on Teen Moms sooner or later.
After a nutritious breakfast of radio active neon orange cheese balls, the family begins to make plans to attend the Redneck Games. But don't confuse this family with a bunch of rednecks. They " have too many teeth to be rednecks". They do have some sort of twisted family standards. June was very vocal about some the other attendees of the games.
The Redneck Games, is a south Georgia annual event that could somewhat be compared to the Olympics. Forget the high dive, try belly flopping into a mud pit. Or how about bobbin for pig's feet? Which we do see Chubb's face down in a tub, bobbin away.
After all the fun and games, it is time to get serious. There is a pageant to get ready for. The family is single mindedly driven to see Honey Boo Boo win a grand supreme title. Tears flowed heavily when Boo Boo didn't even place at a small natural pageant. So to reward her bratty behavior, she is given a squealing tea cup pig as a pet.
The judges must be "crazy" (quote from Alana's talking belly) for saying Alana needed to be more refined. So June arranges to have a etiquette coach come work with the girls. This poor woman was subjected to Pumpkin and Boo Boo. Pumpkin loudly declares, "what you see is what you get! I don't need no manners." I would hate to sit down to a meal with this family. As, June says,"Nobody can be proper and etiquettely all the time". That's right etiquettely. No, my spell check isn't broken. Thanks to the show's subtitles for the spelling
Blown noses, farts, and poop jokes abound. The ignorance displayed and encouraged is sad. It would be nice if this family was as driven to educate their kids as it was to win a dollar store tiara. June says of the etiquette coach, "she is a little more of a tight ass then we are. The girls clearly learned nothing and that was just fine with June.
There are 4 more episodes in the series to "eagerly" await. Can Honey Boo Boo get that elusive Grand Supreme title?
Other reviews have suggested that this show is "what is wrong with America" and "a sign of the Apocalypse" . I think the Mayan calendar has a picture of the Thompson clan hanging above it. Clearly, we are dazzled by and wallowing in the ignorance of others. Honey Boo Boo will bring ratings to TLC because people will tune in, in droves because it is so horrifyingly bad.